The Struggle with Perfectionism

I’m a bit of a perfectionist. I think the main reason for it is the way I was brought up: since I was a little girl, my parents have always encouraged me to do my very best in every situation, whether it was school, sports, or doing chores. They did it because they loved me and they wanted me to fully utilise my potential so I could have a good life and make myself useful to others – and they did tell me that, every single time they pushed me to be better, to do a little bit more – but I don’t think I’ve always understood that it was for my own good.

In fact, growing up I used to believe that my parents would only love me if I was “a good girl”, if I always followed the rules, never made them angry, always got the best marks at school and the best results in sports. I used to practise rhythmic gymnastics, and I must have been about seven or eight years old when I took part in my very first regional competition. Spoiler alert: I was honestly quite bad at it, so much so that my finishing in fortieth place out of a hundred (with equal merit with another girl) came as a very nice surprise.

Learning About Unconditional Love

I think I’d never been so afraid as on the day of the competition: I kept crying, saying I didn’t want to go, and I was really inconsolable. My mother kept asking me what the problem was, until I blurted out: “What if I can’t do it? What if I don’t remember the sequence? What if I can’t catch the ball again after I throw it?” I’ll never forget my mother’s answer: “You do know Mum’s going to love you no matter what, don’t you? It doesn’t matter whether you win or you lose, as long as you do your best.”

Those words really comforted me, especially because I knew that my mother never said anything she didn’t mean. I knew I could trust her, so I believed her, and I even enjoyed doing my routine in front of the judges. Honestly, telling someone that they are and will be loved no matter what is not so common this side of Heaven. Except for the way that loving parents like my mother see their children, I doubt anyone can say that their love towards others is 100% unconditional.

God’s Love Is Unconditional

In most cases, we expect to be loved back or to receive something in return, and we’re often very quick to judge other people’s behaviours and to even stop loving them if they do something that hurts us, if what they do doesn’t match our expectations, or if they simply disappoint us in any way. The only One who will never stop loving us, pursuing us, wanting to save us and to redeem us, is God. He will always do it, no matter how many mistakes we make, how broken we are, how much we hurt Him with our sin.

The Context of Titus 3

Titus 3 was written by Paul to a young church leader named Titus, whom Paul had left in Crete to continue his ministry, help establish the local church and appoint the elders. In this letter, Paul contrasts the life the believers from Crete once led, before they knew the Gospel, with the new life they are called to live in Christ.

In verse 3, the one that immediately precedes today’s verses, Paul focuses on sin, which enslaves us and makes us hate one another. This was the way that the brothers from Crete lived before Paul’s missionary journey made them acquainted with Jesus’s life and ministry. In today’s verses (4 and 5), the focus shifts to God’s transformative intervention in these people’s lives: Paul explains that salvation is an act of divine mercy. It’s not something we can earn by being good people or doing good works.

Salvation as a Gift from God

The most important message that today’s verses convey is perhaps how salvation is a gift from God to us, and that “works done in righteousness” play no role in helping us earn it. In fact, we don’t earn it at all, but God, in His infinite mercy, extends it to us. It’s God’s initiative and grace that accomplish salvation.

The phrase “washing of regeneration” indicates a spiritual cleansing and rebirth, a new beginning, a new birth into spiritual life. This renewal is accomplished by the Holy Spirit and it transforms us from the inside out. It leads to spiritual growth and maturity and it is at the basis of a continual process of sanctification, which essentially means becoming more similar to Christ as we grow in our faith and learn to do God’s will.

A Prayer for Understanding God’s Love

I pray that I will be able to fully understand God’s deep love and mercy towards me despite my unworthiness. To do that, I must first be brutally honest with myself and openly admit my shortcomings, my sins, all the times I’ve “missed the mark”. I must feel truly sorry for my sins and understand how much I’ve hurt my Heavenly Father doing what I did.

The good news, however, is that I don’t need to live in shame for my entire life because of my past mistakes; once I repent and turn from them, the Lord will extend His complete forgiveness and mercy to me. God is our loving Father, and His love for us doesn’t depend on how well we behave, how obedient we are or how many good deeds we do. Whenever He sets rules for us or “pushes” us to do more it’s because He wants us to become the best version of ourselves, so we can truly make a difference in this world and live the best life we can.

God never says anything He doesn’t mean. If we trust Him, we will believe Him when He says He has good plans for our life, and we will experience unprecedented, boundless joy as we live in perfect alignment with God’s will.

Thank You Jesus! I pray I will be able to become more and more like You, and that I will find ways to extend the same grace and kindness You have shown me to my brothers and sisters. Amen.